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| Posted by Sophie R. Todd on 14-Aug-2005 | knock knock"Knock Knock"
"who's there?"
"I dunno..go to the door and see."
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| Posted by Mark A. O'Neill on 14-Aug-2005 | Got any nutsA pellican walks into a bar and says 'got any nuts'? 'No' says
the barman. The bird walks in the next day and says 'got any
nuts'? 'No' says the barman again. The third day the bird walks
into the bar and says 'got any nuts'? 'No' the barman says,
really angry now and tells him to go away and never come back.
The bird comes in the fourth day and says 'got any nuts'? 'No,
now i thought i told you to go away and never come back, so go
or i'll nail your beak to the counter!' says the very angry
barman, breaking a bottle. The bird decides to go to the bar the
next day and says 'go any nails?' 'No' the barman says
astonished. The bird realises that the barman cannot nail his
beak to the bar, so says 'Got any nuts?'!!!
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| Posted by Big Football Player on 14-Aug-2005 | Watches Are FallingOne day 3 guys met in a hotel. A gambler who always won money, A
show off, and a lonely guy who had no friends. This lonely guy
needed money. He decided to place a bet with the gambler and the
show off. He knew that there was a huge problem with his watch,
but he didn't know what, so he decided to place a bet with it.
We will all throw our watch out the window on the 14th floor the
lonely guy said.
You will have to run down those stairs, go out the door, and
catch it. The person who catches it at the bottom wins. If no
one catches it no one wins anything. The other two guys thought
this was realy dumb, but they decided to give it a shot. The
gambler went first. He got to the 6th floor when the watch hit
the ground. MAN! The show off went next. He got to the 4th floor
when it hit the ground. SHOOT! The lonely guy went last. He
threw it out the window. He walked down the stairs, went to his
favorite coffee shop, went home to watch his favorite television
show, and came back and caught the watch. They both owed him
$500.00! Wow the 2 guys said. Here's your money. But how did you
do that? The lonely guy finally found out what was wrong with
his watch. I don't know how I won he said. I guess my watch is
slow.
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| Posted by Dexter on 14-Aug-2005 | Radio StationREAL STORY: A Cork Radio Station (in Ireland), 96 FM, was
running a competition to find contestants who could come up with
words that were not found in any English Dictionary, yet could
still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The
prize was a trip to Bali for a week.
The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two standing out:
DJ: 96FM, what's your name
Caller: Hi, me name's Dave
DJ: Dave, what is your word
Caller: Goan.....spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'
DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct,
Dave, 'goan' is certainly a word not found in the English
Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali
is: What sentence can you use that word in that would make
logical sense?
Caller: "Goan fuck yourself"
At this point, the DJ cut the caller short and announced that
there is no place for that sort of language on a family show.
After many more unsuccessful calls, the DJ took the following
caller:
DJ: 96FM, what's your name
Caller: Hi, me name's Jeff
DJ: Jeff, what is your word
Caller: Smee.....spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'
DJ: We are checking that (pause) and you are correct, Jeff.
'Smee' is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary.
Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali, is: What
sentence can you use that word in that would make logical sense?
Caller: "Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!"
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| Posted by Erik Ingbritsen on 14-Aug-2005 | Didn't Know About DaughtersA brunette, a red head, and a blonde were having a very
interesting conversation and it got around to their daughters.
The brunette said, "I went in my daughter's room the other day
and found a pack of ciggarettes, I didn't even know she smoked!"
The red head said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a
half-empty bottle of vodka! I didn't even know she drank!"
Then the blonde burst out and said, "I went in my daughter's
room and found a pack of condoms, half-empty, I didn't even know
she had a penis!"
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| Posted by Bob John on 14-Aug-2005 | What to do if.....What do you do when a blond throws a gernade at you?
A: Pull the clip and throw it back.
What do you do if a blond throws a clip at you?
A: run, she's got a gernade in her mouth!
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| Posted by meryl m. clewett on 14-Aug-2005 | A Annoying JokeWe'll this joke is very annoying this is how it goes,
ok pete and repeat were walking along a river Pete fell in whos
left? repeat! and then they repeat it i hate that joke! c ya!
Princess Sarah
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| Posted by dontrell on 14-Aug-2005 | Bar EmbarrassmentAn old man walks in to a bar after a very stressful day at work.
He proceeds to get very drunk, but is still rather bored.
In order to spark some liveliness into the bar, he sights a
young man across the room and yells:
"Hey you... I fucked your mother!"
The young man looks around, slightly annoyed, but tries to
ignore the old man and his comments.
The old man continues to drink for a while and then tries to
liven things up again. To the same young man he yells out:
"Hey you... Your mother sucked my dick!"
The young man turns around and is now obviously very pissed off.
His friends stop him from approaching the old man.
After a little while longer the old man is at it again:
"Hey you... I fucked your mother up the arse!"
Now the young man is very pissed off. Before his friends can
stop him he jumps up out of his chair and fronts up to the old
man.
He says to the old man:
"Geez Dad can you go home? You're embarrassing me!"
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| Posted by jen on 14-Aug-2005 | World?!?!?! End!?!?!?!?The World is coming to a end. The best rapper is white and the
best golfer is black and the best volyball player is indian.
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| Posted by ryanjenkins on 14-Aug-2005 | AIM CONVERSATION
her: u cRazy
her: are u high or something
her: lol
me: i guess
her: jk
her: Haha
her: yeah im so high i cant see the floor:-D
her: omg lol
her: read my pf
"her: are u high or something
me: yeah im so high i cant see the floor:-D"
me: LMAO
her: :-D
her: HAHA
her: i kno i kno
me: hehehehehehehehehehe
me: its a masterpiece
her: :-P
me: and u say IM crazy?
me: lol
her: HAHa
me: :-)
her: ur info is SOOOO funny tho
her: :-D
me: thank u
her: welcomeeee
me: u mean the weed thing?:-D
"If at first you dont succeed fuck the world and smoke
some weed"
me: i saw it on funny.com and liked it
me: okey dokey
her: lol yea
her: tha weed thing was funny
her: haHA
me: :-P
her: that face makes ya look drunk now
me: okey dokey look at my profile
her: lol
me: no im just so drunk, i think im high;-)
ME: hardy har har
Me: :-D
her: :-D
....NOTE: we thoght it was funny....:-D
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