|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by tazy on 12-Aug-2005 | This is so dumb - it's funny!There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous.
He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.
He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing..."I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by anglebaby on 12-Aug-2005 | Blind deer jokesWhat do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Carolyn Halabaloo on 12-Aug-2005 | The perfect woman!A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.
"Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back to her place for a drink. They go back to her HOUSE, and after a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins Undressing him.
The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night. The next morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed.
"You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replies.... "You just happened to catch my eye.
(hee-hee, hoo-hoo, that was terrible!)
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by nate SmiTH on 12-Aug-2005 | Jesus vs. SatanOne day, Jesus and Satan decided to settle which one of them was the best programmer. God was chosen to be the judge.
Jesus and Satan got 10 hours to create the best program they could for the PC.
When 10 hours had past, the power suddenly went out, and all the data disappeared from both monitors. Moments later, the power came back on.
On Jesus's monitor, all the data had returned to its previous state, whereas Satan's monitor remained blank.
Satan got really angry and complained to God.
God was quiet for a moment, then he laughed and said, "Jesus saves!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Orphan Annie on 12-Aug-2005 | You are under arrest!A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "he's a *&^^%*@)&!".
Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists,". Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this dumb *%@(&+*! couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent *$3%$#*#+=!".
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and the events that had transpired were explained to them. The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you."
The scientist replied, "For what? You can't arrest me for killing a clone!". The attending scientists nodded in agreement.
"Well!" retorted the police chief.
He thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for...
"Making an obscene clone fall..."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mike E. Brown on 12-Aug-2005 | Random Ramblings!** A waist is a terrible thing to mind. ** Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor. ** Atheism - A non-prophet organization. ** Boycott shampoo!!! Demand True poo! ** Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way! ** Clones are people two. ** COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage. ** Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? ** Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery. ** Entropy isn't what it used to be. ** Everyone is entitled to my opinion. ** Gene Police: "YOU!! Out of the pool!" ** Ground Beef: Cow With No Legs ** Help stamp out, delete, and eradicate unnecessary, superfluous redundancy. ** I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. ** Microbiology Lab: Staph Only! ** Mouse... n. elephant built by the Japanese. ** My reality check just bounced. ** No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. ** Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. ** Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. ** So, what IF there were no hypothetical questions hypothetically...
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kristi Burchfield on 12-Aug-2005 | No ParkingThis particular Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants took advantage of his good nature, and would steal his parking spot.
This continued until he put up the following effective sign:
This parking space belongs to the Wizard....
Violators will be toad!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Bradley H. Stanley on 12-Aug-2005 | Coffee TimeQ: How does Mrs. Abdul Jabbar like her coffee?
A: With Kareem!!!
Q: What does it say, on great Hawaiian singer, Don's mail box?
A: The Ho House!!!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jon Ramsbottom on 12-Aug-2005 | Tuns of Puns! Part IIHow does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalog.
How you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from ducks.
What city has the largest rodent population?
Hamsterdam.
What did God say when Joan of Arc showed up at the Pearly Gates?
"Well done."
What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
"I am ewe."
What did one magnet say to the other magnet?
"I find you very attractive."
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
What did one potato chip say to the other?
Shall we go for a dip?
What did the painter say to the wall?
"One more crack and I'll plaster you!"
What do cats like on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.
What do cats like on their hot dogs?
Mouse-tard.
What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by STEVIE on 12-Aug-2005 | The bus crash.Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour bus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire.
The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened.
Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.
Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.
The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?
"Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing......
"You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel"...
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
