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| Posted by Fudge C. Muffin on 14-Aug-2005 | Nobel PrizeQ. Why did the farmer win the nobel prize?
A. Because he was outstanding in his field!
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| Posted by nay-nay12 on 12-Aug-2005 | Tree TalkTwo tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them.
The beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling.
The birch says "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
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| Posted by blonde joke on 12-Aug-2005 | The new car.There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.
So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. "But," he said to the salesperson, "I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the "Z" replaced with an "S"?" The dealer said yes, and it was done.
And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, "Wow, look at that S-car-go."
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| Posted by Rebecca E. Borden on 12-Aug-2005 | Play on words :)Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became
quite thick and hard. Even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail.
He also was quite a spiritual person. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with
halitosis.
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| Posted by roadrunr on 14-Aug-2005 | Three LeroysThere were three ladies that always hung out together. There was
a slight problem though, their husbands were all named Leroy.
The ladies decided to name thier Leroys after soda pop.
The first lady said, "I am going to name my Leroy 7 Up." The
other ladies said, "Why 7Up?" She replied, "Well my Leroy has 7
inches and it is always up!"
The next lady said, "I am going to name my Leroy Mountain Dew."
The other two ladies said, "Why Mountain Dew?" "Well," she said,
"My Leroy likes to mount me and he likes to do me."
The third lady was scratching her head, she could not think of a
soda pop, finally she says, "I am going to name my Leroy Jack
Daniels." The other two ladies said, "Jack Daniels isn't a soda
pop, it's a hard licquor." She replied "THAT'S MY LEROY."
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| Posted by Paddy O. Furniture on 14-Aug-2005 | Penny's CruisePenny was a hard working, conscientious girl, who lived on her
own. Her dream in life was to go on an ocean cruise around the
world. So she scrimped, and she saved, and she saved, and she
scrimped until finally, one day, she had enough money to go on
her ocean cruise.
She booked passage on a cruise liner -- first class all the way.
The cruise started off in a grandiose scale, dancing and parties
every night. But Penny was a cautious girl, so she never drank,
but just danced the night away. One night, after they had been
at sea for a week, Penny was walking back to her cabin, when the
heel on her left shoe broke throwing her off balance. If that
wasn't enough, the ship chose that moment to tilt to the left.
As a result, Penny was thrown overboard. A hue and a cry were
immediately raised, and after about five minutes they found
Penny. Hauling her aboard, the ship's crew realized that it was
too late, poor Penny was dead.
Normally, they would have done a burial at sea, but as I said
before, Penny was a very conscientious girl, and had written a
will. In it, she specified that she wished for her body to be
cremated, and kept in a jar on her parent's fireplace mantel.
Her wishes were fulfilled, which just goes to show you that a
Penny saved is a Penny urned.
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| Posted by Chris Frat on 14-Aug-2005 | Funny Sayings that you Should RememberThe easiest way to find something lost around the house is to
buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting
any.
There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the
fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury - Twelve people who determine which client has the better
lawyer.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After
marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to
every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.
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| Posted by Cordelia Montgomery-Williams on 12-Aug-2005 | Mole SmellsThere was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage."
The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said "Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes."
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles...
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Are you ready for this? :)
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The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses!"
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| Posted by Jamie G. Snell on 12-Aug-2005 | New CoinA spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt, on the other, Nathan Hale.
Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the official replied, ... "Now, when you have a coin toss, you can simply call "Teds, or Hales!"
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| Posted by Dave Ryan on 14-Aug-2005 | Cute Olive JokeOne day a family of olives goes for a walk. As Momma Olive and
Dadda Olive walk across the street, they are unaware of how
behind Baby Olive is. Along comes a big ol' truck and runs over
Baby Olive.
"Oh My God!!!" Momma and Dadda Olive scream as they run over to
Baby Olive. "Are you alright??" they ask. Baby Olive simply
replies, "Olive."
LoL get it? I'll Live??
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