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| Posted by Alison Barnes on 12-Aug-2005 | Christmas HumorKnock, knock?
Whos there?
Megan and chicken
Megan and chicken who?
He's megan a list and chicken it twice, he's gonna find out whos naughty and nice...
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| Posted by Cersi on 12-Aug-2005 | Wedding GiftA female snake charmer was wooed by an undertaker and accepted his offer of marriage.
They received many gifts at the wedding but their favorite was a set of towels embroidered with the words: "hiss and hearse"
(woo-hoo!...that was terrible! :)
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| Posted by Sarah T. Lawson on 12-Aug-2005 | Naughty Kids...Q...What do you call children who are raised in those naughty houses of ill-repute?
A...Brothel Sprouts!
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| Posted by Clarence Chicken on 12-Aug-2005 | This little Piggy!A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. After drinking it, he hops off the bar stool, pees on the floor and leaves.
Another pig comes in, drinks his beer, pees on the floor and leaves.
A third and forth piggy come in and do the same exact thing.
Finally, a fifth piggy comes in to the bar and orders a beer. After finishing his beer, he gets off the bar stool and begins to walk out the door.
Before reaching the door, the bartender yells - "Hey Pig...aren't you going to pee on the floor like the others?"
To which the pig replies - "No you idiot! Everyone knows that the last little piggy goes WEE WEE WEE - all the way home!"
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| Posted by John R. Beard on 12-Aug-2005 | Truck Driver SnowThe truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short shorts.
"Say, what's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck.
"It's Snow, Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours?"
"I'm June, June Hansen," she said. "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?" she challenged the trucker some miles down the road.
"Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered with a question of his own, "having eight inches of Snow in June?"
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| Posted by Twiggy Ramirez on 12-Aug-2005 | The String in the bar.Two pieces of string walked into a bar and ordered a pint. 'sorry' said the barman, 'we don't serve pieces of string in here' and with that he threw the two pieces of string out.
Outside, one of the pieces of string ruffeled himself up, tied himself in a loop and went back into the bar.
'Are you one of those pieces of string I just threw out?' asked the barman.
'No' replied the string, 'I'm a frayed not'!
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| Posted by catherine chsksi on 12-Aug-2005 | General's FuneralThe famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington National Cemetery. All the air lines were booked and there were no other planes available. Someone came up with the idea of using a helicopter. It arrived at 5:00 A.M.
The newspapers reported the incident with the headlines,
"The Whirly Bird Gets The Urn"
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| Posted by Heather Iannaccio on 12-Aug-2005 | Tossed Off A ShipA panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a Princess liner about to embark on a three-day trip to the Bahamas.
He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship telling him, "Beggars can't be cruisers."
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| Posted by Stanley Tuvako on 12-Aug-2005 | Questions & Answer Quickies!Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A.) They're hiring.
Q.) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A.) "Dam."
Q.) How do crazy people go through the forest? A.) They take the psycho path.
Q.) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long? A.) Polaroids.
Q.) What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? A.) National Dyslexia Association.
Q.) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A.) Nacho Cheese.
Q.) What do you call Santa's helpers? A.) Subordinate Clauses.
Q.) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? A.) Quattro sinko.
Q.) What do you get from a pampered cow? A.) Spoiled milk.
Q.) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A.) Frostbite.
Q.) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A.) A nervous wreck.
Q.) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A.) Anyone can roast beef.
Q.) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A.) They all have phones.
Q.) What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? A.) Sanka.
Q.) Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A.) Because they have big fingers.
Q.) What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A.) A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.
Q.) What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A.) A stick.
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| Posted by Bertha Mark on 12-Aug-2005 | I\\\'m a Fun-gi!There's this mushroom who walks into a bar one night. All he wants is one beer. So he goes up to the bar, hops up on the stool and asks the bartender for a beer.
Bartender: "Sorry mister, can't give it to ya." Mushroom: "C'mon, just one beer..please?" Bartender: "Nope, can't do it."
The mushroom looks around and says again, "C'mon, just..just one beer and then I'll leave you alone." Bartender: "Look, for the last time...I'm not serving you the damn beer!"
Finally the mushroom says to the bartender, "Hey, c'mon man...I'm a Fun-gi!"
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