Funny Quotes
Quotes are a form of word art that twists and turns in every which way making any topic as humorous as possible. www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com has a wide selection of quotes from all over the world that would satisfy those who like to play around with words. Quotes used to be reserved for words of wisdom that gave advice but the alternate aim of Funny Quotes is dedicated more for humorous aims. www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com has a section dedicated solely for Funny Quotes giving a reader the best place on the web to find quotes of the funny kind.
www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com, is considered to be one of the largest if not the largest collection of jokes and many other funny stuff on the web to date that is comprised of almost 60,000 individual entries grouped into more than 90 categories. So for all the best fun stuff and Funny Quotes on the web check out www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com, where all the best funny jokes and other stuff are. There are literally tons of jokes and other funny stuff in our collection that you’d want to come back again and again to get a dose of fun and laughter to get you going everyday. Humor allows us mere humans to ponder and laugh, allowing us to view life better thus staying healthy for the days to come. So what are you waiting for, log on now and start laughing yourself to a healthier life.
Have Funny Quote you’d want to share with the rest of the world? Send them in so we can do the posting for you. Want to get a dose of funny stuff through email, subscribe to the mailing list and get it through email everyday for you to enjoy and ponder at the time you’d like. Want to get in on the action, rate stuff others have sent in to give you the power in choosing the best of the best from our new entries. www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com, for all your funny bone needs and wants plus a whole lot more funny stuff.
Funny Quotes
Seen
on the back of a Bomb Squad Technician “ If You see me
running, You’d better do so too.”
“We
live in an age where pizza gets delivered faster than the police”
“It’
clearly a budget, it’s got many numbers in them don’t they”
“Computer
dating is fine, If you’re a computer that is”
“Programming
is a race between programmers who strive to produce idiot-proof programs and
the Universe trying to produce bigger and bigger idiots. The Universe is
wining.”
“To
err is to be human, to really mess things up, you need a computer”
“If
it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching the television by
candlelight.”
“USA
Today has come out with a new survey! Apparently three out of four represents
75% of the population.”
“As
far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as
far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality”
“As
long as Algebra is taught in schools prayers will continue to be a main part of
school life”
“Perfect
numbers, like men are very rare indeed”
“the death of a single person is a tragedy, the death of
millions is a statistic”
“Only
one thing is impossible for God, and that is to understand all of the copyright
laws we humans have made.”
| Name | Rating | | Anything Worth Having Is Worth Cheating For.... | 10.0 | | "I Don't Make Jokes.... | 8.37 | | Famous Quotes | 7.00 | | Refrigerator Magnet Slogans | 6.50 | | Quotes From Bernard Shaw | 6.00 | | Truisms | 5.00 | | Homer Simpson | 2.00 | | Best Things Ever Said | 1.33 | | Water Filtration System | 1.00 | | I Think A Really Funny Joke Would Be for NASA To Send Up Rockets And
Push A Bunch of Planets Out Of | 1.00 | | All Cut Up | 1.00 | | Miss Bindle Was the Jesse James of Sarcasm: She Could Quick-draw A
Sarcastic Remark and Drill You B | 1.00 | | "I'm Desperately Trying To Figure Out Why... | --- | | "I Base Most of My Fashion Taste on What Doesn't Itch." | --- | | To Me, Boxing Is Like A Ballet, Except There's... | --- | | "Sometimes When I'm Sitting in My Car At A... | --- | | "My Mother Never Saw the Irony in Calling... | --- | | "I Am A Marvelous Housekeeper. Every Time I Leave A Man I Keep His
House." | --- | | "I Think A Secure Profession for Young People... | --- | | Better A Cruel Truth Than A Comfortable Delusion.... | --- | | Watergate Was Worse Than A Crime, It Was A... | --- | | If God Had Intended Us To Drink Beer, He Would... | --- | | Only A Fool Would Leave the Enjoyment of Rainbows... | --- | | "I Squeezed That Sperm Till A Strange Sort... | --- | | "Laugh and the World Laughs With You. Cry and You Cry With Your
Girlfriends." | --- | | "A Man's Got To Do What A Man's Got To Do. A Woman Must Do What He Can't." | --- | | "My Second Favorite Household Chore Is Ironing. My First Being Hitting My
Head on the Top Bunk Bed | --- | | "Any Husband Who Says. "My Wife and I Are Completely Equal Partners," Is
Talking About Either A Law | --- | | "When Women Are Depressed, They Either Eat Or Go Shopping. Men Invade
Another Country. It's A Whole | --- | | A Short List of 'Never...' | --- | | "I've Been Doing the Fonda Workout: the Peter Fonda Workout. That's Where
I Wake Up, Take A Hit Of | --- | | "Behind Every Successful Man Is A Surprised Woman." | --- | | "Sometimes I Wonder If Men and Women Really Suit Each Other. Perhaps
They Should Live Next Door And | --- | | "Whatever Women Must Do They Must Do Twice As Well As Men To Be
Thought Half As Good. Luckily, This | --- | | "I Was Married By A Judge. I Should Have Asked... | --- | | It Is Not True That Life Is One Damn Thing... | --- | | "A Male Gynecologist Is Like An Auto Mechanic Who Never Owned A Car." | --- | | "Anytime Four New Yorkers Get Into A Cab Together... | --- | | "People Who Hate Cats, Will Come Back As Mice... | --- | | "on the One Hand, We'll Never Experience Childbirth.... | --- | | Yield To Temptation.... | --- | | After All, I Couldn't Make A Picture Called... | --- | | Society Is Like A Stew.... | --- | | "I Never Gave Them Hell. I Only Told The... | --- | | "Life Without Music Would Be An Intolerable... | --- | | When Large Numbers of Men Are Unable To Find... | --- | | the Man With the Best Job in the Country Is... | --- | | Put It Back in the Horse!... | --- | | I Love California. I Practically Grew Up In... | --- | | Eternal Nothingness Is Okay If You're Dressed... | --- | | "Sometimes I Think Astronauts Are the Luckiest... | --- | | Never Take A Job Where Winter Winds Can Blow... | --- | | I Spilt Spot Remover on My Dog, Now's He Gone.... | --- | | the Important Thing Is Never To Stop Questioning.... | --- | | Your Mother Was A Hamster, and Your Father... | --- | | "Thousands of Years Ago, Cats Were Worshipped... | --- | | Everybody Lies About Sex.... | --- | | "I'm Glad the Electric Chair Is the Only Method... | --- | | the Simple Step of A Courageous Individual... | --- | | Always Listen To Experts. They'll Tell You... | --- | | Doing for People What They Can and Ought To... | --- | | "We Got New Advice As To What Motivated Man... | --- | | the Problem Was His Poetry, Which Was of The... | --- | | the Man Who Fears No Truths Has Nothing To... | --- | | "the Future Will Be Better Tomorrow."... | --- | | "Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say: 'My,... | --- | | I Would Love To Speak A Foreign Language,... | --- | | Never Say "Oops" in the Operating Room.... | --- | | Not Only Is There No God, But Try To Get A... | --- | | I Think Men Who Have A Pierced Ear Are Better... | --- | | "the Best Way To Get Most Husbands To Do Something Is To Suggest That
Perhaps They're Too Old To Do | --- | | Affimrations From the Outer Limits | --- | | Chinese Proverbs | --- | | More Stuff To Ponder | --- | | Life's Reflections | --- | | Life Philosophies | --- | | More Random Thoughts | --- | | SEINSeinfeldisms | --- | | Words of Wisdom | --- | | Some More Things To Ponder | --- | | More Predictions of Life in the Year 2000 | --- | | A Few Musings and Bemusings | --- | | More Pearls of Wisdom | --- | | Quotes for the End of the World | --- | | Eating Quotes | --- | | Useful Work Phrases | --- | | More of Life's Questions | --- | | Andy Rooney Quotes | --- | | Random Thoughts for 2004 | --- | | Homilies To Live By | --- | | Coffee Quote | --- | | Female Clown | --- | | on Midlife... | --- | | Imponderable Questions | --- | | Goofy Sayings | --- | | Advice From Alice in Wonderland | --- | | Tax Adage | --- | | More Religion Quotes | --- | | Daily Affirmations | --- | | Deep Thoughts Contest Winners | --- |
| 
