|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by LaurenMHB6 on 13-Aug-2005 | AdminstratiumInvestigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium.
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aimee Davis on 13-Aug-2005 | Got Beer?The new health drink:
According to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. if you drink milk, you are supporting a product that is horrible for human health, catastrophic for the environment, and a living nightmare for the animals involved.
Dairy cows, they point out, are warehoused, kept constantly pregnant, and then slaughtered when their milking years are over.
So the group has come up with its own ad campaign to counter the dairy industry's "Got Milk" campaign. Instead of "Got Milk" the PETA slogan is "Got Beer?" To present an alternative to milk.
I would have thought "Got Juice", "Got Water", "Got a Fruit Smoothie with Protein Boosters" but NO!
They chose "Got Beer".
And they've aimed the campaign at college campuses during a week of St Patrick's day celebrations.
The idea of course was to get attention, and that it certainly has -- from Mothers Against Drunk Drivers which thought it was a pretty dumb idea that could encourage underage drinking. MADD points out that 75% of college students are under the legal drinking age of 21.
PETA says it will go ahead with the ads anyway -- pointing out that beer has no fat, beer has no cholesterol, and most important, beer is not cruel to cows.
And actually, what do they care if a kid wraps himself around a tree -- just as long as his pet cow isn't with him at the time.
But we should pause and reflect for a moment -- what is the REAL question here?
If college students look at an ad that says "Got Beer" and immediately think it's a health food; if they see an ad that says "Got Beer" and put Pabst on their Cheerios -- the real question is "what are they doing in college?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
