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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Dispelling a myth

Posted by wu nmu on 13-Aug-2005

Dispelling a myth

Not really humor, but I get a lot of trivia sent my way, this one in particular: 'The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.'

There is a kernel of truth in this, but it is, alas, inaccurate. The device was actually invented after researchers working on radar at Bell laboratories noticed that a chocolate bar that had been left near a magnetron melted after a few hours of exposure. If a researcher had a chocolate bar melt in his pocket when he walked by radar equipment, he would most probably die due to the intensity of the RF.

A minor difference, perhaps, but of significant import to the hypothetical researcher in question.

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Funeral Arrangements

Posted by Patrick Gaspar on 13-Aug-2005

Funeral Arrangements

When a funeral parlor called Tom Mabe, an unemployed Louisville, Ky., musician, and tried to sell him a burial plan, Mabe decided to have some fun. He told the salesman he was waiting for a sign from God as to whether he should kill himself, and the funeral call was it. "You're the angel of death, man," he told the salesman.

Unfazed, the funeral man said, "If we can get the paperwork out to you this afternoon, can you hold off killing yourself until tomorrow?"

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Shocking family tree

Posted by JSBulldog89 on 13-Aug-2005

Shocking family tree

The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose - how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It said "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Bank Pens

Posted by Softballbabe on 13-Aug-2005

Bank Pens

Why is there never a working ballpoint pen attached to those chains you see hanging around banks?

Once imprisoned, the ballpoint pen soon loses the will to write. Even if released, it develops a deep-seated pattern of skipping and blotching that will soon send it back to the chain gang. Repeat offender ballpoint pens are sent to the post office, where they become federal pens. If not watched carefully, these pens will hang themselves from the writing desks.

To prevent this, postal workers are particularly attentive, which is why they so often seem to be standing around staring at the pens. To avoid contributing to this destructive and unwholesome situation, I use a high-resolution dot-matrix printer when I write, and I recommend you do the same.

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): History Test (not really humor...)

Posted by nate SmiTH on 13-Aug-2005

History Test (not really humor...)

1. Which state has the fewest counties?

2. How many state names are one syllable?

3. Which state passed a resolution in order that its name be pronounced properly.

4. In which state is there a well pumping oil from the ground under the state capitol building?

5. In which state were the most Revolutionary War battles fought?

6. How many states are named after a president?

--- Scroll Down For Answers ---

1. Alaska, has no counties.
2. only Maine
3. Arkansas
4. Oklahoma
5. South Carolina
6. Washington

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Bungy Therapy

Posted by Andreza M. Chaves on 13-Aug-2005

Bungy Therapy

UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE: Trauma therapist Karen Frogley complained in January to Reverse Bungy New Zealand about the company's 130- foot-high bungee tower outside Frogley's office building in downtown Wellington. Frogley says the jumpers' blood-curdling screams make her patients "anxious" during their sessions.

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Drink Beer rather than Milk

Posted by luke on 13-Aug-2005

Drink Beer rather than Milk

"College students are savvy. Nobody's going to put beer on their Cheerios as a result of our campaign."

-- Spokesman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, responding to criticism of their campaign urging people to drink beer rather than milk

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Define "Serious" (news item)

Posted by Milt J. Switzer on 13-Aug-2005

Define "Serious" (news item)

"This is extremely serious. "

-- Don Perry, of the Chick-fil-A fast-food chain, on Chick-fil-A's suing Burger King because Burger King's ad campaign, in which chickens hold up signs saying, "Save the Chickens: Eat a Whopper," is similar to Chick-fil-A's ad campaign, in which a cow urges consumers to "Eat Mor Chikin"

(Chicago SunTimes)

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Adult Food Groups

Posted by BlanaPirahna on 13-Aug-2005

Adult Food Groups

In reviewing food groups, it has become apparent that appropriate food groups change with age. The Adult food groups have now been defined as:

+ Fat
+ Sugar
+ Caffeine
+ Alcohol.

Which, by the way, makes an Irish Coffee the perfect breakfast!

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	Events Jokes (3987):Weird News Jokes (227): Kitty Litter Cake

Posted by Herb E. Handcock on 13-Aug-2005

Kitty Litter Cake

This is a REAL recipe for a rather tasty, but disgusting looking cake.

Ingredients:

1 18.5-ounce package spice cake mix

1 18.5-ounce package white cake mix

2 4-serving packages instant vanilla pudding mix

1 12-ounce box vanilla wafer cookies, crushed

6 to 10 Tootsie Rolls

Confectioner's sugar

1 brand-new kitty litter pan

1 brand-new plastic pooper scooper

Green food coloring

Plastic flies (optional)

Prepare the cakes and pudding according to package directions. Crumble the baked cake into the kitty litter pan, then add the pudding and mix. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of the cookie crumbs and set aside; mix the rest into the pan. Soften the Tootsie Rolls by placing in the micro- wave for 10 seconds on high and shape to resemble cat droppings. Arrange the Tootsie Rolls on top of the cookie-pudding cake mixture; sprinkle all with green cookie crumbs.

Decorate with plastic flies, if desired. Serve with pooper scooper.

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