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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this


Posted by Hector R. Cruz on 09-Aug-2005

"Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this

Charlotte Whitton
   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "I was married by a judge. I should have asked...


Posted by Austin Anderson on 07-Aug-2005

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked...

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
- George Burns

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): It is not true that life is one damn thing...


Posted by jarmo two on 07-Aug-2005

It is not true that life is one damn thing...

It is not true that life is one damn thing after another.
It's one damn thing over and over.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car."


Posted by Joanne Massoud on 09-Aug-2005

"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car."

Carrie Snow
   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together...


Posted by Wedgey Boy on 07-Aug-2005

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together...

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."
- Johnny Carson

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "People who hate cats, will come back as mice...


Posted by Peter A. Gelinas on 07-Aug-2005

"People who hate cats, will come back as mice...

"People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."
- Faith Resnick

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth....


Posted by dodo zhang on 07-Aug-2005

"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth....

"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
- Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Yield to temptation....


Posted by Weasel D. Aerokid on 07-Aug-2005

Yield to temptation....

Yield to temptation.
It may not pass your way again.

- Lazarus Long

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): After all, I couldn't make a picture called...


Posted by lu v. buggy on 07-Aug-2005

After all, I couldn't make a picture called...

After all, I couldn't make a picture called ``In Search of Spock'' and have it end with Captain Kirk turning to the audience and saying, ``Sorry, folks, we just couldn't find him.''

- Leonard Nimoy, Director of Star Trek IV: The Search for Spock

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Society is like a stew....


Posted by amanda j. tanner on 07-Aug-2005

Society is like a stew....

Society is like a stew.
If you don't keep it stirred up, you get a lot of scum on top.
- Edward Abbey

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "I never gave them hell. I only told the...


Posted by Raymond Kurtis on 07-Aug-2005

"I never gave them hell. I only told the...

"I never gave them hell. I only told the truth and they thought it was hell."
- Harry S. Truman

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "Life without music would be an intolerable...


Posted by Seamus G. Beirne on 07-Aug-2005

"Life without music would be an intolerable...

"Life without music would be an intolerable insult."
- Edward Abbey

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): When large numbers of men are unable to find...


Posted by katie e. eylar on 07-Aug-2005

When large numbers of men are unable to find...

When large numbers of men are unable to find work, unemployment results.

- Calvin Coolidge

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): The man with the best job in the country is...


Posted by Amy Hakwkins on 07-Aug-2005

The man with the best job in the country is...

The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"
- Will Rogers

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Put it back in the horse!...


Posted by Vortex on 07-Aug-2005

Put it back in the horse!...

Put it back in the horse!
- H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): I love California. I practically grew up in...


Posted by Hash Brown on 07-Aug-2005

I love California. I practically grew up in...

I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Eternal nothingness is okay if you're dressed...


Posted by Pumpkin Pie on 07-Aug-2005

Eternal nothingness is okay if you're dressed...

Eternal nothingness is okay if you're dressed for it.

Woody Allen in Getting Even

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "Sometimes I think astronauts are the luckiest...


Posted by imadumbass9889 on 07-Aug-2005

"Sometimes I think astronauts are the luckiest...

"Sometimes I think astronauts are the luckiest people on earth, but only when they're in space."
- Alan Smithee

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Never take a job where winter winds can blow...


Posted by Kaveh C. Mohebbi on 07-Aug-2005

Never take a job where winter winds can blow...

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.
- Geraldo Rivera

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): I spilt spot remover on my dog, now's he gone....


Posted by CuteCat on 07-Aug-2005

I spilt spot remover on my dog, now's he gone....

I spilt spot remover on my dog, now's he gone.

- Steven Wright

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): The important thing is never to stop questioning....


Posted by CH_2005 on 07-Aug-2005

The important thing is never to stop questioning....

The important thing is never to stop questioning.
- Albert Einstein

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Your mother was a hamster, and your father...


Posted by daniel avila on 07-Aug-2005

Your mother was a hamster, and your father...

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped...


Posted by Tony Klassen on 07-Aug-2005

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped...

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."
- Anonymous

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Everybody lies about sex....


Posted by Kent O. Smith on 07-Aug-2005

Everybody lies about sex....

Everybody lies about sex.

- Lazarus Long

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "I'm glad the electric chair is the only method...


Posted by Ed J. Early on 07-Aug-2005

"I'm glad the electric chair is the only method...

"I'm glad the electric chair is the only method of capital punishment that involves powered furniture. Just imagine being executed by an adjustable bed."
- Paul Paternoster



"I've heard people say the electric chair is "cruel and unusual", but I think it's a lot quicker and more humane than its predecessor, the steam chair."
- Claire Voltaire, inspired by Paul Paternoster

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): The simple step of a courageous individual...


Posted by angel phobia on 07-Aug-2005

The simple step of a courageous individual...

The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part in the falsehood. One word of truth outweighs the world.
- Alexander Solzhenitsyn

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Always listen to experts. They'll tell you...


Posted by Jim Keller on 07-Aug-2005

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you...

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it.

- Lazarus Long

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): Doing for people what they can and ought to...


Posted by anglebaby on 07-Aug-2005

Doing for people what they can and ought to...

Doing for people what they can and ought to do for themselves is a dangerous experiment. In the last analysis the welfare of the workers depends on their own private initiative.
- Samuel Gompers, 1915 President, American Federation of Labor 1886 - 1924

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): "We got new advice as to what motivated man...


Posted by chatty girl on 07-Aug-2005

"We got new advice as to what motivated man...

"We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation."
- Jane Wagner

   

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Funny Jokes:Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): The problem was his poetry, which was of the...


Posted by Ken c. Jupre on 07-Aug-2005

The problem was his poetry, which was of the...

The problem was his poetry, which was of the Naturalistic school and leaned heavily on the S alliteration: "Sad, sorrow-sunk survivors of a sadistic society, saturated with strong, stiff stench of stifling strife..."
- Patrick F. McManus

   

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Anything worth having is worth cheating for....
| Four quick religion quotes
| "I love the lines the men use to get us into...


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