|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Beth Henry on 14-Aug-2005 | Famous Quotes"I thought it would make a wicked wave to surf on"
-Moses, talking about the real reason he parted the Red sea.
"Scattered showers my ass"
-Noah
"Bigamy is having one wife to many. Monogamy is the same"
-Oscar Wilde
"I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better"
-any man who has been married
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because I
hate plants"
-A. Whitney Brown
"I told you I was Sick!"
-On a tombstone
"Gay Motherfucker!"
-English professor giving an example of an oxymoron
"What the hell are you trying to say?"
-any dog looking at its owner
"Time's fun when you're having flies"
-Kermit the Frog
"You want What on the fucking ceiling?"
-Michaelangelo
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Enobmort Edils on 14-Aug-2005 | Quotes from Bernard Shaw"One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't
and don't."
"If parents would only realize how they bore their children!"
"Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that
the woman is driving at one thing and you're driving at another."
"The golden rule is that there is no golden rule."
"We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a
nation we don't dress well and we've no manners."
"The great advantage of a hotel is that it's a refuge from home life."
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mya F. Whooch on 14-Aug-2005 | TruismsNobody will ever win the battle of the sexes...
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks,
By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
Drive carefully,
It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Don't worry about the world ending today...
It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two
things: 1. Women. 2. Fractions.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
|
8 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Carrie Sparton on 14-Aug-2005 | Homer Simpson"What are you gonna do then? Let out the dogs? or the bees? or dogs with
bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"
"My son, when you are in a sport, it isn't about winning or loosing..it's
about how drunk you gets"
"Bart, a woman is excactly like a beer. They look good, they smell good,
and you would kill your own mother to get one"
"Kill my boss?! Do I really dare to live out the american dream?"
"Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are just made up, just like fearies, trolls
and eskimos."
"Ohh, I love your newspaper. Especially the part with 'increase your
vocabulary'. I find it very...very...very...good."
"Miss! Give me the number to 911!"
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by sam bobi on 14-Aug-2005 | Best Things Ever Said~Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.
~Sex is nobody's business except for the three people involved.
~Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree,
shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"
~If homosexuality were normal God would have created Adam and Bruce.
~Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
~France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the
toilet paper.
~Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
~Groundhog Day has been observed only once in Los Angeles because when the
groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mud slide.
~I hate people who keep dogs. They are the cowards that are afraid to bite
people themselves.
~Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Events Jokes (3987):Funny Quotes (263): I think a really funny joke would be for NASA to send up rockets and
push a bunch of planets out of |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by gypsygirl on 09-Aug-2005 | I think a really funny joke would be for NASA to send up rockets and
push a bunch of planets out ofDave James
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
