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| Posted by Marlene R. Ehlers on 14-Aug-2005 | Dirty SandwichThere was a girlfriend and a boyfriend on a date. They came
home to the boyfriends house and when they got inside the
boyfriend explained to his girlfriend that he shares bunkbeds
with his 7 year old brother who has the bottom bunk and they
would have to go to the top. So they would have to use
codenames. If she wanted it harder say lettuce and if she
wanted a different position say tomato. So they get into bed
and she scremed lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, tomato,
lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato, tomato, LETTUCE,
LETTUCE. Then the little brother woke up and said "hey guys
stop making sandwiches up there, your getting mayonase all over
my face".
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| Posted by Lil' Princess on 14-Aug-2005 | breathalizer testthis guy had a great aunt that was in the nursing home.. well he
went and visited her 3 times a week.. well one week he was there
on the first visit and when he leaves he closes the door and a
lady comes flying down the hallway in a wheelchair and about
runs the boy over.. the boy looks at her and says why are you
going to fast.. she thought that he was a police officer.. she
said im sorry officer i wont do it again, so the boy playing
along just said ok.. dont do it again otherwise you will get a
ticket.. well the next week on the second visit he came out the
door and about got ran over again.. he said alright lady that is
enough.. she said ok officer this is the last time that i will
do it.. just dont give me a ticket.. so he said ok.. this is
your final warning.. next time you are getting it.. so the next
week came and he was on the third visit and he poked his head
out the door to see if she was coming.. well he saw her and she
was running into the side of the walls like she was drunk or
something.. so he jumped out into the hallway naked and said
alright lady thats it.. the lady looked at him and said "oh no
officer, dont make me give the breathalizer test!!!!"
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| Posted by KrAzYBoY on 14-Aug-2005 | Old RomanceAn older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was
falling asleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a sceond, and
tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly
irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek, and
settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said "Then you used to bit my neck."
The husband now very annoyed got out of bed and walked to the
bathroom.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!" he replied.
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| Posted by Gothic Bitch on 14-Aug-2005 | The FlasherOne day two old ladys were sitting on a bench at the town park
when a flasher walks up and flashes them. One old lady has a
stroke, but the other one can't reach!
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| Posted by Nafe bafe schlafe on 14-Aug-2005 | Old Bloke at the MoviesA young couple smell something while watching a movie together.
So the young bloke taps an old bloke beside him on the shoulder
and says, "Ay, old fulla, did you shit yourself?"
The old bloke looks up slowly and says, "Yep."
"Why don't you move then," says the young lad.
The old bloke grunts a bit, then says, "Haven't finished yet."
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| Posted by GostaJill on 14-Aug-2005 | old lady says "f*ck"How do you get an 80 year old lady to say "fuck"?
Get another 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo"
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| Posted by Crazy Chick on 14-Aug-2005 | Titanium LegsThere was an old lady with titanium legs walking down the beach
on her 100th birthday. She walked by a surfer guy and said "
I've never been fucked in my entire life, will you fuck me?" the
guy says sure, and then he rips her arms and legs off and throws
her into the ocean andsays " now your fucked bitch!"
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| Posted by Adam speeden on 14-Aug-2005 | Old Lady and Her CoinsAn old lady was waiting for the bus. Because she had been mugged
so many times on the street she kept all of her money in her
underpants. When the bus finally came she dug in her underpants
and pulled out a quarter to pay for her bus fare. The bus driver
looked down at the coin she had submitted and said, "I'm sorry
ma'am but we don't take scabs!"
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| Posted by Beau B. Churchill on 14-Aug-2005 | Three Deaf MenThree hard-of-hearing men were sitting on a bench. "Windy, isn't
it?" said one. "No, it's Thursday." said the other. "So am I,"
said the third. "Let's go have some tea."
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| Posted by Yo Man on 14-Aug-2005 | Beans, a dollar a can.....An older lady was taking the elevator to her floor when a young,
sweet-smelling, beautiful woman came on. She said,"Chanel-$50.00
an ounce." and pressed the button for her floor. About 2 floors
up, another young, sweet-smelling, beautiful woman came on the
elevator. She said,"Bombardier-$100.00 an ounce." and pressed
the button for her floor. When the older woman got to her floor,
she turned around, farted, and said,"Beans, $1.00 a can at the
grocery store." and got off.
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