|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by travis on 14-Aug-2005 | Texan in London"Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" a Texan asked the
London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn Wilkinsons."
"Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has been
producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors
since before Waterloo."
"I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's Ark if
they ain't any good." the Texan retorted.
"I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved druggist
said. "Why just last year, my wife swallowed one. It gave her a
tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, circumcised the
gardener, emasculated a neighbor, cut two of a delivery boy's
fingers off at the knuckle--and I still got 10 shaves out of it."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Cornelius on 14-Aug-2005 | The Guy From UruguayOne day, a man dressed up as a woman was walking down the
street. He walked up to a man on the street and said, "I'm a
guy from a country in South America. Guess which country, I am
from." Then, the other guy said, "Ur a guy?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Hitman on 14-Aug-2005 | Bin Laden's Phsycic Osama Bin Laden gos to a Phsycic. This is their convo...
Phsycic: Yes?
Laden: What day will I die?
Phsycic: I see that you will die on an American holiday...
Laden: Okay...but what day will that be?
Phsycic: It doesn't matter,the day you die WILL be an American
holiday!!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by kimberly on 14-Aug-2005 | 140 million AfghansBush and Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and
Powell?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you
guys doing?"
And Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million
Afghans this time and one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
So Bush turns to Powell and says, " See, I told you no-
one would worry about the 140 million Afghans!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Elizabeth on 14-Aug-2005 | Fat People15 Ways To Tell If You Are Fat
1. When you go on a diet, all the local restaurants go bankrupt
2. A super-value meal is named after you (and is not recommended
for those lighthearted or with back problems)
3. Hot air ballooning companies keep on calling you and asking
you to advertise for them.
4. You have been known to loose things and find them months
later in the folds of your fat.
5. You only go places with double doors.
6. You were a stunt double for the monster in "The Blob."
7. When you burp, earthquake sirens go off.
8. When you fart, an earthquake occurs.
9. People run under you when it rains.
10. Security caught you at the zoo, staring enviously at
elephants and asking which diet plan they use.
11. When you jump in the ocean it is high tide.
12. You were banned from all the "all you can eat" restaurants.
13. You have to be driven around by a fork lift.
14. When you run people think a t-rex is coming.
15. You were going to get the world record for the fattest
person but they couldn't fit you in the photo.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Brad Smoley on 14-Aug-2005 | 3 men on a planeOkay, so there was three men on a plane and the piolot said,
"The luggage weighs to much, each of you drop one thing." So
each of them dropped one thing. The 1st man dropped an apple,
the 2nd man dropped an orange, and the 3rd dropped a stick of
dinamite. So, the three men landed safely and they were walking
along when:
They saw a little girl crying, "Why are you crying?" and the
girl said back, "An apple fell down and hit me in the head!" So,
they walked on and they saw a little boy crying. So they said,
"Why are you crying?" ANd he said back, "An orange fell out of
nowhere and hit me in the head!" So they walked on and they saw
an old lady crackin her head off. "Why are you laughing?" The
men said......."I farted, and my house blew up!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the
elderly lady said back.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by beth a. book on 14-Aug-2005 | Big Chief No FartAn Indian chief was having a problem so he went to the tribeal
Witch Doctor and said to him, "Big chief no fart!"
So the Witch doctor gave the chief a herbal mixture and said to
him, "Drink this and come back in two days time."
Two days later the chief goes back to the Witch Doctor and says
to him, "Big chief still no fart!"
So the Witch doctor sends the chief home with a more powerful
mixture then the one before and says to him, "Drink this and
come back in Three days Time"
Three days later the Chief goes back to the witch doctor rather
upset and says, "Big chief in pain, still no fart!"
The Witch doctor gives him the strongest mixture he can find and
says to the chief, "Drink this and come back in a week"
The next day the big chief's wife runs in and screams at the
Witch Doctor, "BIG FART NO CHIEF!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Crusher on 14-Aug-2005 | Speech ProblemThis story is about a man with a speech problem.
One day a man called Greg went into a bakery "hi, could I
please have a bum", the baker looked shocked but after a few
seconds he handed over a bun.
A while after Greg went into a hardware store "hi, could I
please hve a fuckit" said Greg "a what" replied the worker "a
fukit" the worker then new what Greg meant and got a buckit.
Greg then went to a pet store and asked for a cockinspankit the
owner instantly falling into shock was about to ask Greg to
leave but then walked up to a dog he said "do you mean a
cokinspanle" "yes" replied Greg.
Later on the way home Greg took the dog for a walk. Greg
accindently let go of the dog and ran up to another man "could
you please hold my bum and fuckit while I go get my
cockinspankit".
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Peter A. Gelinas on 14-Aug-2005 | american holidayosama bin laden decided 2 go 2 a fortune-teller.so he entered
the room and asked nervously"when will i die?"the women replied
with"you will die on an american holidy."osama says,"which
holiday would that be?"the woman said,"it doesnt
matter....whenever you die it will be an american holiday
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by mariana a on 14-Aug-2005 | Osama vs. GeorgeGeorge Bush and Osama Bin Laden decided to sit down and think of
a way to solve things. They decided to each breed the most
ferocious,meanest dogs and fight them. Osama went out and bred a
doberman with a rotwiler and bred that with a wolf. They had to
put it in a cage with bars 5 in. thick & couldn't go near it.
George showed up with a 7 ft. weiner dog. everyone laughed as it
waddled over to the ferocious doberman,rotwiller,wolf. But the
weiner dog ate Osama's dog! Osama Bin laden could not believe
it. "I don't understand,My trainers have been working night and
day to make this dog ferocious,!" George smiled and
said,"Well,my plastic surgeons have been working night and day
to make this alligator look like a weiner dog!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
