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| Posted by Kevin Polagro on 07-Aug-2005 | What's grosser than gross?...What's grosser than gross?
A Cheerleader suction cupped to the floor.
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| Posted by dodo zhang on 07-Aug-2005 | Suffocation: Farting in a spacesuit....Suffocation: Farting in a spacesuit.
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| Posted by Jay Jay on 07-Aug-2005 | How can you tell if a valentine is from a...How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper?
- The tongue's still in the envelope.
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| Posted by paytbidd on 07-Aug-2005 | What did Jeffery Dammer say to Lorena Bobbit?...What did Jeffery Dammer say to Lorena Bobbit?
- "Are you gonna eat that?"
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| Posted by Angie Baby on 07-Aug-2005 | La Machine....La Machine.
...vegetables...vvrrrrr...
La Machine.
...fruits...vvrrrrr...
La Machine.
...little children...No mommy, No!...vvrrrrr...
La Machine.
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| Posted by basketballgal on 07-Aug-2005 | Why wasn't JFK a good boxer?...Why wasn't JFK a good boxer?
He couldn't take a shot to the head.
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| Posted by Ben T. Halbig on 07-Aug-2005 | What is the difference between a pie and a...What is the difference between a pie and a woman?
The crust on a pie is good!
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| Posted by Erik D on 07-Aug-2005 | Why do Blondes insist on guys wearing condoms?...Why do Blondes insist on guys wearing condoms?
So they'll have a doggie bag for later.
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| Posted by Pedro Fonseca on 07-Aug-2005 | Did you hear about Michael Jackson's autobiography...Did you hear about Michael Jackson's autobiography of his
early years with the Jackson Five?
Fondle Memories
-David Benjamin
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| Posted by DarkAxz on 07-Aug-2005 | It was New Year's Eve. By then, actually,...It was New Year's Eve. By then, actually, it was very early on New Year's
morning. The drunk staggered out of the men's room and wobbled his way to
the bar.
"I, uh, lll..., I'll ha-have anudder. Maske itta dubble."
The bartender looks him over and notices the vomit staining the front of
the drunk's sharp looking suit. "Buddy, it looks to me like you've had
quite enough. Why don't you call it a night and go home."
The drunk protests... "N-n-no! I ca-can't. My, my wife, you, you see...
She gammie this new shoot for Chrishmash. Iff she seez what Ife done to
it... She, she's gunna kill m-me. Juss gimmie a doubble..."
"Tell you what," the bartender says. "You got any 20 dollar bills on you?"
The drunk pulls out his wallet and thumbs through and replies... "Y-yeah,
I got a few...."
The bartender takes one of the twenties and stuffs it in the shirt pocket
of the poor drunk. "There you go buddy. When your wife asks you what
happened, you just tell her that you were innocently passing by the bar
on your way home when some boozer staggers out, holds onto you, and barfs
all over you. He then apologizes and shoves a twenty in your pocket so you
can get the suit dry cleaned!"
"B-br-brilliant!", the drunk exclaims excitedly. "Thish jush might w-work!"
The drunk goes home and sure enough, his wife is waiting up for him, rolling
pin in hand. "Look at you! You're a disgrace! Look at what you've done
to your new suit!"
"N-no hunnybunsh," the drunk stammers... "Y-you see, I was juss passing by
the b-ba-bar when this drunken sod stumbles out, b-ba-bar-barfs all over me,
and then he shoved a twenty dollar bill in my pocket, he sez, so I, I can
get my suit drykleened..."
The wife looks in the drunk's pocket and pulls out the money.
"Wait a minute..." the wife says, "there are TWO twenty dollar bills in your
pocket."
The drunk reels, regroups, and explains... "Wha-wha... Well thass because
after he puked on me, he, he took a crap in my pants!"
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| Posted by Richard J. Allan on 07-Aug-2005 | "...And the halftime score here at the Coliseum..."...And the halftime score here at the Coliseum is Lions 7,
Christians Nothing. We'll be right back after these messages..."
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| Posted by Matt A. Rogers on 07-Aug-2005 | What is the difference between Michael Jackson...What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag and
what do they have in common?
They are both made of plastic and one was meant for children to play with!
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| Posted by Ashley L. Haag on 07-Aug-2005 | What's grosser than gross?...What's grosser than gross?
When you dream about eating pudding, and you wake up with a spoon in your ass.
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| Posted by mark m. miller on 07-Aug-2005 | There was an old whore of the Azores...There was an old whore of the Azores
Whose cunt was all covered in sores
The dogs in the street
Used to lick the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers
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| Posted by Miss Khris on 07-Aug-2005 | Amputation with a blunt instrument is seldom...Amputation with a blunt instrument is seldom pleasant.
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| Posted by michal K on 07-Aug-2005 | What's 18 inches long and makes a women scream?...What's 18 inches long and makes a women scream?
Crib death.
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| Posted by dawn whispers on 07-Aug-2005 | Hiroshima was a boom town....Hiroshima was a boom town.
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| Posted by Sexy_Baby on 07-Aug-2005 | Did you hear about the leper card game?...Did you hear about the leper card game?
One threw his hand in, one laughed his head off and one cried
his eyes out.
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| Posted by Olga Baczynski on 07-Aug-2005 | A couple was honeymooning in Daytona Beach....A couple was honeymooning in Daytona Beach. The manager of the motel
noticed the new groom fishing all day and night on the first day of their
stay. The second day came and the new groom was again fishing all day and
night. This ritual was repeated on the third and fourth day and night.
The manager could not take anymore. He went up to the new groom and said,
"You just got married. How come you're not up there making love to your
new wife?"
The new groom said, "I can't..... She has gonnoreah."
The manager said, "Well .....she what about her mouth?" To which the
groom answered, "Nope ...She has pyoreah."
The manager scratches his head and says, "Her ass?"
The groom replies, "No way ....she has diareah!"
The manager says, "Well, let me ask you....if this bitch has so much wrong
with her, why did you marry her?"
To which the groom smiles and says, "Well she has worms too and I love to
fish day and night."
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| Posted by Globegirl Yeates on 07-Aug-2005 | What do Vegetarian Maggots eat?...What do Vegetarian Maggots eat?
Linda McCartney.
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| Posted by samuel h. duham on 07-Aug-2005 | John and Bill went on their annual camping...John and Bill went on their annual camping and hunting trip.
John spent the first night drinking beer and talking about how many deer he
hoped to shoot.
The next morning they got up early, John wasn't feeling good, so Bill went
off hunting without him.
John was so hung over that when he went to take a dump, he fell asleep
sitting there on the log.
Bill got a deer early and camme back to find John sleeping. As a joke he
gutted the deer, put the insides under John, and left without waking him.
An hour later John wondered back into camp, his face white as a sheet.
"What's wrong?" asked Bill.
"I drank so much last night I shit my guts out," said John, "But by the
grace of God and a greasy stick, I got them all back in!"
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| Posted by Zalman Puchkoff on 07-Aug-2005 | The more you run over a dead cat the flatter...The more you run over a dead cat the flatter it gets.
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| Posted by Scott Me on 07-Aug-2005 | When John Candy died they found out he was...When John Candy died they found out he was dealing drugs.
They pulled down his pants and found 50 pounds of crack.
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